I'm Obsessed with Algernon Charles Swinburne's Poetry...
Triumph of Time---------------------
(The following entries are from aschoom.diaryland.com)
22 Random Facts:
October 14, 2001:
Random Acts of Kindness...
1. Today is my sister, Christina's birthday! Happy 20th Birthday! =) Welcome to your 20's!
2. My mom's luggage has not been found yet. =(
3. Yesterday, I decided to go for a drive to the forest, roughly an hour away from Lake Tahoe. I wanted to see the autumn foliage and collect some leaves. However, I wasn't able to collect many leaves because I didn't feel like stopping on the freeway where everyone could see me picking them! =) Not long after I reach 4,000 feet, my car starts making weird noises. I thought it must have been the road or something. I continue to drive and smell something burning. There was something wrong with my car and not the road! GREAT, I was going to be stuck in the woods by myself!! Anyway, I managed to find a stopping area and realized that smoke was coming from my engine. Some fatherly aged guy examined my car and said that it was probably my transmission leaking. I was thankful because I am an idiot when it comes to cars! He offered to follow me down the mountain to see if my car was leaking and to make sure I didn't break down somewhere. I told him thanks and he replied, "It's just a random act of kindness. Pay it forward." =)
4. In the bookstores, there are tons of books, even a special section, pertaining to the Dalai Lama and Buddhism (quotes, mantras, biographies, etc.). I, myself, am appreciative of his words and these books but I wonder if it isn't because I am also getting swept up by the fad of "alternative spirituality?" I just hope that my interest in Buddhism isn't influenced by pop culture (seeking personal individualism) but rather cultivated through self-interest. Then again, books on the Taliban, Osama Bin Laden and Islam are also current bestsellers. GO FIGURE!
5. I bought my first [expensive, rip-off] CD since arriving in the states yesterday! It was torture but I needed to get over it. I got Tori Amos' "Strange Little Girls." It is indeed a strange CD!
6. There is a book called, The Chinese Guide to Reading Faces. I was looking for the "Buddha face types" but didn't find any! =( Wahhh!
7. I am hungry. I can't believe I went to update my journal first before eating! HOW SAD!!
8. I love my choir class! It's great and I really love the massages! I just wish it wasn't so late in the day.
9. Diaryland is a great procrastination tool! Maybe, TOO great...
10. Anthrax sucks but where is it REALLY coming from? Like I said in my last entry (October 12) (bottom), I think the media and the government are using "subliminal messages" to create this sense of fear.
11. I want to dye my hair purple.
12. I haven't found the motivation to redo my homepage yet. Its just too sad to think about.
13. If "Procrastination" was a major, I'd be a PHD already! =)
14. The weather is too hot for October! C'mon, 90 degrees???
15. My goal for the week is to win the lottery.
16. I should go to the gym.
17. I should eat.
18. I should get off the computer.
19. There are many "I shoulds" in my life.
20. I can't believe I've been home for almost a month now!
21. I still haven't gone into "Toys That Teach" to say hi and to tell them that I work across from them! =( I just don't feel right, especially since they're hiring now!
22. I am going to eat now!
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April 19, 2002 - 11:15 p.m.
Sometimes when I wander in the dark, I feel eerie chills as the wind whispers into the night air. It's this weird feeling I get whenever I walk alone in unfamiliar places. I stumble across some vulgar smells and then I long to run away and hide. I hate feeling like I have no control of my fears and violence in the world. Why can't we live in a safer world? What is to become of the world in the future? I am too scared to even imagine that.
I love nature. I love the feel of the cold ocean water splashing gently against my feet and the feel of the sand beneath my toes. I love examining the various shapes of tree leaves and marveling at their gigantic height and majestic beauty. I love the elegant solitary mountains who hold their ground in the world no matter what disastrous events occur. The poor animals who find their homes rapidly disappearing everyday. Why can't we live "with" them and not "above" them?
The peaceful pandas, the debonair tigers, the graceful whales...their mission is not to hurt us but just to sustain life...so why do we have to hurt them?
People. There are some I admire, some I just don't understand and some I just can't believe exist in this world. I don't understand certain value systems and I don't understand the rationale behind their motives. What is the purpose of flaunting success or extreme intellect? Who are you trying to impress anyway? Nobody really cares that much about you. On the contrary, it would probably provoke the scorn and disgust of others. Thus, adding to a world already filled with hatred and disgust for each other. UGH! And, I can't stand being betrayed or lied to by people. Or, feeling rejected. Why do human beings have so much power to destroy and hurt every element of planet Earth?
I need to learn to be happy with what I love and what I enjoy. I need to be happy with myself and accept my faults. No one is perfect. I can't have it all and there's no way I can't change it all either. But, that doesn't mean I should ignore everything and put myself in some "regressive" void either. Everyone is different, posessing their own unique traits and, unfortunately, negative qualities. The world is so diverse that way. I should quit being a chameleon and just enjoy the different types of people I encounter in life. I want to meet people with whom I share common interests and not feel threatened by them when I reveal my "true" self. I just don't want to feel like the outsider anymore.
As Anne of Green Gables discovers through her journey of growing up, "It's not what the world brings you, it's what you bring to the world." That's something I want to ponder for now. What can I bring to the world? Hmmm.
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Patterns
Movement in the water
myriads of circles
shimmers continuously
a leaf falls down
stopping the cycle momentarily
it floats away and follows the current
a rock plunges into the water
destroying the beautiful patterns
The cycle starts over again.
~ILF~3/27/02
Mental Landscapes
Mountains are cold and barren
Nothing there but bitterness and frost
Flowers are perishing from the lack of sun
The beauty of the world slowly fading away
Rivers that once flowed so independently are frozen in place
Isolation and solitude preventing them from resuming their natural roles
The sea no longer contains life and movement
It just remains an empty void longing to be filled with energy again
The sky was once blue with endless boundaries
Grey clouds block any chance of moving on.
~ILF~3/27/02
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***Random Poems***
Scattered
Endless memories and thoughts linger in the back of my mind
Echoes of laughter and voices repeat over and over...
The things that were once so close to me are starting to fade away...
Why is everything so scattered?
Where are the pieces of my life?
Leaves of my missing identity disappear as the wind forcibly blows them away...
Bits and pieces of my happiness dissipate into nothingness...
Why is everything so scattered?
Everything seems to fade away...
~ILF~
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Create your own magnetic poetry at Shocked Poetry!
The poem below is what I came up with! It's kinda lame but it was fun to make!
***
Night Leaves
blood reaper ghastly city fall beautifully leaf change strangely unusually only at trance to who can uniquely walk glimmer cold and unfinished
Phantomesa 03.19.02
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July.22.2002
I have been reading the Oprah Winfrey Website (don't laugh) and it gives some guidelines on how to journal.
* Did something happen to you today that made you upset or joyful?
* What did you discover about yourself or the world?
* Is there something from the past that you wish you could take back or do over to make it right?
* What are your needs? What are your desires?
* What are you most afraid of doing? What are you afraid of not doing?
* What are you curious about? What issues are unresolved for you?
* What do you love to do, experience, and feel? What kinds of things in your life do you want to build on?
* Find a photo or an image. What does it make you feel?
I will answer this question in this Diaryland entry:
* Is there something from the past that you wish you could take back or do over to make it right?
There are many, many things that I wish I could take back or do over to make it right but I guess the consequences are something we have to live with the rest of our lives. But, mainly, if I had the chance to re-do something in my life...it would have to be strengthening my relationship with my father before he got Lymphoma and passed away in the emergency room. I don't think that I will ever forgive myself for being the horrible daughter I was to him but I know I have to allow myself to get over it in order to live a healthy and normal life again. I feel so bad that he lived in that house all by himself, probably feeling so lonely and so uncared for. I'm SO sorry, Daddy, I really wish I knew what you so desperately wanted to say but didn't know how to express in words. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you in your last week...providing you as much comfort and love as possible during your final moments on earth. But, the thing that will always haunt me, Daddy, is your eyes when you were so ill. You were trying to tell me so much more than you could speak. What was it that you wanted to say? I wish you could have said your last words in your final breath of life as they pulled the ventilation tubes from your mouth. I'm so sorry, so very sorry and I don't know if I will ever be able to live my life without knowing what you wanted to say..and without knowing how much I love you and how much I wish I could have been there for you. But, life goes on...and I must learn to forgive myself, too. But, I can't. This journal entry is making me sad and teary eyed so I have to end this now.
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2002-11-25 - 3:25 p.m.
At Twilight
By: Irene Florente
At twilight, the trees cast a silhouette
Of a father and his two daughters
Talking about their dreams and their hopes for the future
Yearning to travel the world and to share so many life experiences
The daughters seek their father抯 advice and support
And the father knows he抯 loved and appreciated.
At night, the moon provides glowing light
For a father抯 two daughters after he has gone
Sending his wishes to them and hoping their dreams come true
Yearning to travel the world and to share his life experiences with them
The daughters will never forget their father抯 advice and support
And the father desires one more moment on Earth to be with them.
At sunrise, the sun brightly shines
For a father and his two daughters reuniting at the ocean
They share the same sunrise the world experiences everyday
The daughters smile into the horizon sending warm wishes to their father
And the father sends down rays of love onto the endless sea.
At noon, the daughters' tears mix with the ocean
Connecting a father and his two daughters for one moment in time
They share the same dimension of the world
The daughters thank their father for such beauty in the world
And the father thanks his daughters for being a part of his life
In the afternoon, the clouds appear gracefully
As a Father and daughter grant each other peace
And know that they are still together
Sharing experiences no matter where they are in the world
The daughters find serenity in this thought
And the father is able to rest at last
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Oct.22.2002
A House of Memories
Where are you, Daddy?
Achingly, I reach for you
But all I touch is a memory
I enter the door to your house
but it is no longer welcoming
Instead, I find myself walking through
hallways that are dark and cold
The faint smells of your cantaloupe
shake and fried eggplant still makes my stomach growl
But all I can feed my stomach now are
phantom recipes that I can never decipher
I am sad, my tears fall like the leaves on the trees in your backyard...
the fading colors represent past existences...
things that doesn't last forever...
I am leaving your house now...
I know I can't keep you with me...
But, I will see you again...
..when I can open the door to your existence and tell you "hello and how much I've missed you..."
(the sound of blowing leaves)
"To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour."
--William Blake
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9.03.2002
MAYBE...
Maybe God wanted us to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.
Maybe when the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us
Maybe the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
Maybe it is true that we don't know what we have got until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives.
Maybe giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart, but if it does not, be content it grew in yours.
Maybe it takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Maybe you shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't' go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Maybe there are moments in life you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.
Maybe you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go: be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
Maybe you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy.
Maybe you should always put yourself in others'shoes, it probably hurts the other person, too.
Maybe the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
Maybe happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.
Maybe love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.
Maybe the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
Maybe when you were born, you were crying and everyone around was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you are the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
Take care and live!!! It is such a beautiful day today! I hope you find time during your day, to relax and enjoy.
Good Quotes:
"Sing as if nobody is listening... Dance as if nobody is watching... Dream as if you will live forever... Live as if you will die today!"
"What upsets us most Is the difference between imagination and reality"-- Paul Gleeson
" *They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.* Andy Warhol
"Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before we meet again! And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends. "
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
"well...even though I know how very far apart we are, it helps to think we're wishing on the same bright star..."
""I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad, carry you around when your arthritis is bad, all I wanna do is grow old with you. I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches, build you a fire if the furnace breaks, oh it could be so nice, growin old with you. I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold, need you, feed you, I'll even let you hold the remote control. So let me do the dishes in the kitchen sink, put you to bed when you've had too much to drink. Oh I could be the man to grow old with you. I wanna grow old with you."- adam sandler
"In every journey, there is meaning, in every conflict, there is growth, in every action, there is a purpose, in every moment of doubt, remember to believe in yourself."
"No guy (girl) is worth your tears & when you find one that is, he (she) won't make you cry."
"Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile and finds in your presence that life is worth living."
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20 Very Weird Ways to Lose Weight
1. Put coffee in your milk instead of milk in your coffee. Fill your coffee mug with skim milk. Drink it--except for the amount you would put in your coffee. Pour your coffee into the mug. You just got 25 percent of the vitamin D you need and 30 percent of the calcium you need for the day.
2. Take a multivitamin every morning.
3. Before every meal, drink two glasses of water. You'll eat less and be hydrated.
4. Love pizza? Order it with double tomato and light cheese. The tomato can help prevent prostate cancer. Less cheese=fewer calories and fat.
5. Love sandwiches? Add two slices of tomato and skip the cheese. Same reasons as above.
6. Lavish onions on anything and everything. They're good for your heart.
7. Love junk food? Eat it if you must, but follow it with two glasses of water. Yes, the water will actually flush away some--but not all!--of the sodium. You're stuck with the fat.
8. Love to eat in restaurants? Always order iced tea to drink. It fights heart disease, cancer, and even wrinkles.
9. Do eat a healthy snack about 3 p.m. every day. You'll have more energy and eat less for dinner. Ideas: Yogurt and fruit, crackers and cheese, hard-boiled egg, an apple.
10. Love fruit? Always eat it with the skin on. (This doesn't apply to oranges and bananas, you silly.)
11. To make sure you drink enough water each day, fill a half-gallon bottle in the morning. Take it to the office. Drink it before you go home.
12. Eat red fruit. It's packed with lycopene (good for your heart). Choose ruby red grapefruit, watermelon, and guava.
13. Eat salmon once a week. It's rich with omega-3 fatty acids, which help prevent heart attacks and ward off depression.
14. Wash your meat. Yeah, you read that right. Washing it removes up to 50 percent of the fat and cholesterol. Here's how you do it: After you brown ground beef, move it to a colander and rinse it with hot tap water.
15. Love salad? Instead of drowning it in dressing, keep the dressing on the side. Dip your fork in the dressing first and THEN in the salad. Eat. That really cuts down the fat!
16. When you eat broccoli, dress it up with margarine, olive oil, or cheese sauce. Broccoli is packed with beta-carotene, but this major antioxidant works best when accompanied by fat molecules.
17. Love seconds? Go ahead--but only the vegetables. Eat at least three servings of veggies every day. More is even better.
18. Spread out your fat intake throughout the day. The immediate cause of most heart attacks is your last fatty meal.
19. Always eat dessert! (Now THAT's a diet tip.) Just make sure it's a small amount. Sweets signal your brain that it's time to stop eating.
20. Love a bedtime snack? Make it a bowl of dry cereal. It will make you sleepy and give you a fiber boost.
--Cathryn Conroy
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Book of Ecclesiastes
Chapter 3
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3:1
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
3:2
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3:3
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
3:4
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
3:5
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
3:6
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
3:7
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
3:8
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
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